Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize