So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
