she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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