my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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