I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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