You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
