update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
