He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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