I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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