and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
