if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
