i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
