I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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