at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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