If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
My breasts were aching with rage.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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