She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize