WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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