so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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