I puked a lego.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize