is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize