We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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