Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
