woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Randomize