you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
