Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
