So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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