it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
