my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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