I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
My vagina just recognized that song.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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