Just fell off a train. Bad.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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