thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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