I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
she told me i tasted like america
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
