I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
