i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
