I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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