No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I need to calm my uterus...
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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