I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
