Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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