its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize