i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
40s are totally the cure
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
