All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
