Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize