I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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