Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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