my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
