So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
wanna go halves on a baby?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
