Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
