So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
the raccoons are back...
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