matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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