I will die if light touches me.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
