if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
