I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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