you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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