where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize