Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Randomize
