Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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