she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize