Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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