It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
