you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
