I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
