I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
porn star boner night. come get it.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
