I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
