It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
