Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
