You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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