I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
