All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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