I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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