I wish I could teleport
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
