this boner is exhausting
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
