just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
