my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
