??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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